The various types of Ghanaian instagram-mers

instagram

1. #professionalphotographers&models.
Everything is quality and posed about their pictures, they hardly take random shots. It’s always pictures from photo shoots. They make Ghana look very nice. As to whether they are professional, professional or just instagram professional, we don’t know …

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2. #teamLoveBirds
If you are single, don’t follow them. They are more than Siamese twins. They both appear in all the posts, its like a joint account. When they are separated by distance, they will use picmix. They are always either driving,eating, holding hands, making out, sitting on a bed,lying on the bed etc. And their captions and hashtags, #IMissMyBoo #TheBooIsEating #LoveIsSweet #MadeForEachOther #TheBooJustFarte… never mind. But yeah, those people.

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3. #teamChowLovers
They instagram everything they eat. Everything. Hey, I’m about to eat some fufu, Rice going down. Waakye about to die. Cheeseburger on board. I wonder if they pray before eating -__-.

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4. #EventAttenders&CelebrityJunkies
All their posts are at parties or weddings or outdoorings or funerals or social events, with the event name in the hashtag. #teamChillingGang. #teamMovenpick. Always posing with some celebs at parties or events or being in the middle of some pretty girls giving him a peck on each cheek. They hardly take pictures alone, they are always with friends and they attend weddings a lot. In fact, every saturday, expect a post from them. You hardly see a picture of them outside a party or an event.

5. #teamILoveMyFamily/Pets
Captions: “baby just walked”, “baby is growing tall and strong”, “I love my son/daughter so much”, “My parents are the best”, “Meet matt, our new dog”, “The dog was naughty today”,”my son goes to school today”. etc etc etc. Instagram is more of a family album to them.

6. #teamNoteSharers/JokeSharers/BirthdayWishers
When you see them online, it means its someone’s birthday. Or they have a joke to share. Or some inspirational note to share. Or a snapshot of their conversation with a friend on whats app. You hardly see pictures of them, they are just some faceless deep people.

7. #teamNewbie/AbaFresh
They don’t really know what instagram is about. They just come and follow a few people, like a few pictures, ask for follow backs in comments, and flood the timeline with as many as 20 pictures at a time.At the same event(Don’t you just hate that). And they don’t understand why no one wants to follow them, they then become occasional users. They struggle a lot till they get the whole concept. Forgive them

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9. #teamSelfie
They have a routine; stand in front of a mirror, pouts,take selfie, upload, another selfie upload, another 3 selfies at the same place showing different angles, picmix, upload.If they have 10 posts, with their faces appearing thrice in one post, that is 30 posts of the same face in all. I’m sure you are thinking its only girls who do this,no,there are guys too. The selfie people take one part of their face always(that’s their best part they say) and the only difference is in their dressing. Their hash-tags are #goingToChurch #LectureMode #workflow.They have Selfie deep too, they take a selfie, write some random deep quote under(I get confused trying to get the relation) *takes selfie, captions “The house fly who doesn’t listen to their mother will follow the corpse to the grave”,uploads* 100 likes. I don’t know if the likes are for the picture or the quote.

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10. #creepGangIncorp
They create an account,post 2 or 3 pictures or some random pictures yearly. They have just 2 or 3 followers but follow 1000s. If you follow them, you will see them active in the following section, always liking people’s pictures(the beautiful people) and commenting. There are some members of the creepgang who “follow” you without following you. They have seen all your pictures, read all the comments but don’t follow, don’t like, don’t comment. You don’t even know they exist. They get pissed when you lock your account but will never follow you. They are just there for the beautiful people and the gossip. They know it all.

There you have it, 10 types of instagrammers in Ghana. Which do you belong to?

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All Dogs Go To Heaven

Dear Doggy heaven God,

I miss my dog already and it has only been 24 hours since he departed. Eternally.My Zeus, my favorite Dachshund. 12 years ago, he joined the family and was awesome( and naughty too). He was more than a pet, more like a wonderful friend. He knew when I was sad and came to sit quietly by me or when I was angry and just went into hiding. I will miss his barks of joy when he heard us talk about walks. And yes, he was the original Chicken Slayer, once a neighbour’s chicken entered our compound, we either saved it or he eats it whole(feathers and all),I hope you don’t classify it as stealing at your end lol.
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I will miss watching youtube dog videos and insulting him because he couldn’t do most of the cool tricks. And when he started growing fat and we used to go jogging with him and how he got tired you have to carry him home. Or when I went on long walks with him to clear my head and think. I talked to him and he never gave bad advice, he doesn’t give advise at all (lol), but he listened. When I fall ill and have to stay indoors,he comes to sit by my bed or jumps in bed with me. He was that awesome dog, the mighty Zeus. And he never allowed his size to bother him, he fought with the big dogs and chased people around. I hope doggy heaven has rice and spaghetti and chickens, because those are his favorite. And he likes to have his own box to sleep in, with a towel laid inside else he will go and pull clothes left on the drying line and line them in his box and sleep(he believes its his right).

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He was a good dog, a little stubborn at times, disobedient at times but that is what made him a cool dog. I don’t know why you had to come for him now, but always tell him that I will miss him so much and will never forget him. I loved him so. Take care of him for me.

Thank you. RIP Zeus. RIP Chicken Slayer. I’m happy I had you.Goodbye Dog
Achere.