The various types of Ghanaian instagram-mers

instagram

1. #professionalphotographers&models.
Everything is quality and posed about their pictures, they hardly take random shots. It’s always pictures from photo shoots. They make Ghana look very nice. As to whether they are professional, professional or just instagram professional, we don’t know …

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2. #teamLoveBirds
If you are single, don’t follow them. They are more than Siamese twins. They both appear in all the posts, its like a joint account. When they are separated by distance, they will use picmix. They are always either driving,eating, holding hands, making out, sitting on a bed,lying on the bed etc. And their captions and hashtags, #IMissMyBoo #TheBooIsEating #LoveIsSweet #MadeForEachOther #TheBooJustFarte… never mind. But yeah, those people.

lunchinsta
3. #teamChowLovers
They instagram everything they eat. Everything. Hey, I’m about to eat some fufu, Rice going down. Waakye about to die. Cheeseburger on board. I wonder if they pray before eating -__-.

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4. #EventAttenders&CelebrityJunkies
All their posts are at parties or weddings or outdoorings or funerals or social events, with the event name in the hashtag. #teamChillingGang. #teamMovenpick. Always posing with some celebs at parties or events or being in the middle of some pretty girls giving him a peck on each cheek. They hardly take pictures alone, they are always with friends and they attend weddings a lot. In fact, every saturday, expect a post from them. You hardly see a picture of them outside a party or an event.

5. #teamILoveMyFamily/Pets
Captions: “baby just walked”, “baby is growing tall and strong”, “I love my son/daughter so much”, “My parents are the best”, “Meet matt, our new dog”, “The dog was naughty today”,”my son goes to school today”. etc etc etc. Instagram is more of a family album to them.

6. #teamNoteSharers/JokeSharers/BirthdayWishers
When you see them online, it means its someone’s birthday. Or they have a joke to share. Or some inspirational note to share. Or a snapshot of their conversation with a friend on whats app. You hardly see pictures of them, they are just some faceless deep people.

7. #teamNewbie/AbaFresh
They don’t really know what instagram is about. They just come and follow a few people, like a few pictures, ask for follow backs in comments, and flood the timeline with as many as 20 pictures at a time.At the same event(Don’t you just hate that). And they don’t understand why no one wants to follow them, they then become occasional users. They struggle a lot till they get the whole concept. Forgive them

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9. #teamSelfie
They have a routine; stand in front of a mirror, pouts,take selfie, upload, another selfie upload, another 3 selfies at the same place showing different angles, picmix, upload.If they have 10 posts, with their faces appearing thrice in one post, that is 30 posts of the same face in all. I’m sure you are thinking its only girls who do this,no,there are guys too. The selfie people take one part of their face always(that’s their best part they say) and the only difference is in their dressing. Their hash-tags are #goingToChurch #LectureMode #workflow.They have Selfie deep too, they take a selfie, write some random deep quote under(I get confused trying to get the relation) *takes selfie, captions “The house fly who doesn’t listen to their mother will follow the corpse to the grave”,uploads* 100 likes. I don’t know if the likes are for the picture or the quote.

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10. #creepGangIncorp
They create an account,post 2 or 3 pictures or some random pictures yearly. They have just 2 or 3 followers but follow 1000s. If you follow them, you will see them active in the following section, always liking people’s pictures(the beautiful people) and commenting. There are some members of the creepgang who “follow” you without following you. They have seen all your pictures, read all the comments but don’t follow, don’t like, don’t comment. You don’t even know they exist. They get pissed when you lock your account but will never follow you. They are just there for the beautiful people and the gossip. They know it all.

There you have it, 10 types of instagrammers in Ghana. Which do you belong to?

All Dogs Go To Heaven

Dear Doggy heaven God,

I miss my dog already and it has only been 24 hours since he departed. Eternally.My Zeus, my favorite Dachshund. 12 years ago, he joined the family and was awesome( and naughty too). He was more than a pet, more like a wonderful friend. He knew when I was sad and came to sit quietly by me or when I was angry and just went into hiding. I will miss his barks of joy when he heard us talk about walks. And yes, he was the original Chicken Slayer, once a neighbour’s chicken entered our compound, we either saved it or he eats it whole(feathers and all),I hope you don’t classify it as stealing at your end lol.
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I will miss watching youtube dog videos and insulting him because he couldn’t do most of the cool tricks. And when he started growing fat and we used to go jogging with him and how he got tired you have to carry him home. Or when I went on long walks with him to clear my head and think. I talked to him and he never gave bad advice, he doesn’t give advise at all (lol), but he listened. When I fall ill and have to stay indoors,he comes to sit by my bed or jumps in bed with me. He was that awesome dog, the mighty Zeus. And he never allowed his size to bother him, he fought with the big dogs and chased people around. I hope doggy heaven has rice and spaghetti and chickens, because those are his favorite. And he likes to have his own box to sleep in, with a towel laid inside else he will go and pull clothes left on the drying line and line them in his box and sleep(he believes its his right).

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He was a good dog, a little stubborn at times, disobedient at times but that is what made him a cool dog. I don’t know why you had to come for him now, but always tell him that I will miss him so much and will never forget him. I loved him so. Take care of him for me.

Thank you. RIP Zeus. RIP Chicken Slayer. I’m happy I had you.Goodbye Dog
Achere.

Football is back!

Brace yourselves people, another crazy season kicks off tomorrow. I must warn that my TL would get bloody, very bloody so if you don’t like football, just mute me on weekends, I will understand.

The transfer window is slowly closing and as usual the economist in London has bought a prodigy, as to whether he will buy another, oh wait, he wanted Dracula de Liverpool at a “good” price. Barcelona has decided not to buy a defender, we got Neymar, a new coach Tata, (#animsTito) and still no natural central defender. I thought Bayern Munich’s thrashing would send Sandro a message *sigh* we are stuck with Shakira at the back (says a silent prayer). Real Madrid are after Gareth Bale so bad, they willing to spend 80 million English Pounds on him, not that he isn’t worth it, actually he isn’t but I blame the rich men in France, they tore the transfer market apart with their outrageous spending. Real Madrid shouldn’t be struggling but Tottenham should hold out and make a lot of money. Oh and the “brownings”, the way some players “browned” some big clubs left me thinking, maybe they can’t attract good players anymore.

Away from the transfers, my predictions for this season. I’ll start with the Germans, Pep Guardiola should easily win the league. His main competitor Klopp is good, but Pep has a better team hence no excuse, none at all to watch the league title go away. The French league, well, I don’t watch it much but Monaco has Falcao and PSG has the almighty Zlatan and Cavani. The Italian league, I have realized the big teams in Milan are slowly becoming like Liverpool and Arsenal, but I might be wrong, after all AC has a good and young attack. I’ll place my bet on the Old Ladies of Italian football. The EPL, hmmm, the grandpapa is back, Jose “runaway from Spanish football” Mourinho has returned to his comfort zone and oh, he didn’t meet SAF and Arsenal has still not won a trophy (8 years and still counting). But for Pelligrini, I see Mou bossing the EPL shamelessly. Moyes, moyes, moyes, whatever happens, we know at least he has one trophy, the embarrassment won’t be too much, but a small part of me believes the red devils can pull a little surprise(as to whether it would be a good one or otherwise, only the Force knows). But I’ll place my bet on either Chelsea or Manchester City. I’ll also bet that by week 8, Liverpool and Arsenal would have ended their season.

The La Liga, my personal favorite. Of course, I want Barcelona to win it, I know they will, in fact, they must, Neymar+Messi+Alexis would be tearing defenses apart. I hope the new coach finds a way of dealing with the holes in the back. I can’t go through that 7 nil embarrassment again. And from the Real Madrid vs Chelsea match, Real Madrid won’t be joking this season, they have a point to prove and their coach is a serious man(suddenly I’m scared). On the bright side, the fake Ronaldo has not renewed his contract, let’s hope for the best. LOL. I am just waiting for the new players who will come from their youth side to come and shine in the La Liga with their refreshing football. But the title would be between Barcelona and Real Madrid, their rivalry is the bloodiest in the entire solar system.

Anyway, come what may,it’s football so expect the unexpected. There would be banter, joy, heartbreaks(expect for Arsenal and Liverpool fans), but the best part would be FOOTBALL IS BACK!!

How to behave at a Ghanaian party

This post is a party “apo” not parties where there are only drinks and plenty dancing, I’m talking about parties where you are allowed to eat, no restrictions. Before we begin, let me correct this, if you aren’t the one putting the food into your plate, its not a “serve yourself” party. I’m talking about golden tulip buffets and the parties MPs and ministers have where food flow isn’t restricted.

When you attend these parties, don’t you wish for more space in your stomach? Or at least wish you had 4 stomachs like the goats we feast on? Ever been to a party where a full goat was on fire and you were allowed to cut as much as you want? Those are the days you become fully aware of the limitations of the human stomach. But I have a few tips here to help you get the best out of these events.

1. The morning of the party, eat nothing. Or take something light, don’t go to the party having food already in your stomach, eat nothing, offload everything.

2. Have you realized that at these parties, water is served first, then the drinks, before the food? Smart people, the liquids just occupy unnecessary space in the stomach cavity. Sip some of the water and throw the rest away. Leave the drink for now, it should be the last thing you take or just pour it into the empty water bottle(you can drink it at home) but in case you want to drink everything, take it in sips, don’t gulp it down like a fish (wait, fishes don’t drink water, or do they?).

3. When its time to serve yourself, avoid the liquids(I will stress this a lot), its not best to start with starters, just go to the heavy food first. And don’t take too much, it doesn’t work that way. Because you like jollof a lot, you will go and fill your plate with jollof, you will waste your stomach space.

4. Don’t start with food you aren’t familiar with, fill half of your stomach with a variety of foods you are comfortable with before you move to the unknowns (thank me later).

5. After the 2nd round of serving yourself, get up and take a walk around the building or walk to the washroom. This would allow some of the lighter food to digest else you will last only 2 rounds. After the 4th round of serving yourself, by then the party should come to life, go and dance some of the food away, take a walk around and join the queue for another round.

6. Remember to eat a bit of everything. Some of the foods being served are expensive and you might not get another chance to eat them for free. One ladle of each type of rice, a slice of yam, a bit of banku etc. Then after you have eaten everything, you can fill your stomach with some salad, meat and drinks.

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These 6 points are the most important now, practise them and stop wasting food at parties. You will notice that you will eat, drink and have fun at the party.

Thank me later,

Corgito Ergo Sum,
Achere

Goodbye El Guaje

8th July, 2013 was a sad day for me, my favorite player in Barcelona David Villa(El Guaje) was sold to Atlético Madrid after playing for Barcelona FC for 3 seasons. Before he was signed, I knew him as a winger for Valencia FC and the Spanish National team. I was very excited when I heard Guardiola was going to sign him. Then he won the World Cup in South Africa, the excitement was too much.

David Villa

David Villa

He was a great buy, I always remember his signature goals on that dangerous left foot of his. His goals against Real Madrid in the 5 nil whipping and his goal in the 3-1 win over Manchester United in the UEFA champions league final. He was doing very well till he started getting injured then the major injury came in the Fifa World Club Cup competition. He slowly lost his spot in the starting 11 and truth be told, Barca is a winning club, its a little difficult dealing with players who aren’t consistent. The injuries made him inconsistent. We saw less and less of him till the day I heard, he had been sold. I knew it was coming but it was still very heartbreaking. Oh, and that his goal against AC Milan *sigh*.

I will always love you El Guaje, David 7 Villa. Wishing you all the best.

Corgito Ergo Sum,
Achere

Africa Android Challenge

Android king

Android king

The Africa Android Challenge is an annual competition organised by GDG and Java communities in Africa for android developers across the continent. It provides a platform for devs to build apps relevant to the African continent, give recognition to the devs and win prizes. My friend PK Opoku and I decided to take part again. We took part in previous years, the first time we built an hausa to english dictionary, the second time I worked on a phone locator using GPS, but we didn’t win 😦 so when the email came February this year, we didn’t want to take part because we had school projects to work on. The deadline for submitting apps was however extended to April and our lecturers went on a strike.

The apps were in 2 sections; native android apps and apps using the Google Apps Api. Previously, we built native android apps, this time around, we decided to challenge ourselves and use the Google Apps Api to build our app (Google’s documentations can be a little difficult to understand if you are a beginner like us, we spent three-quarters of the development time reading and understanding them). At first, we wanted to build an app using the Google Drive Api but file sharing permissions was going to be a problem, so we used the Google Plus Api (Its really cool, you should try it). We decided to build a social app running on the Google Plus Api that would facilitate football banter (Africans love their football). The app we named VUVUZELA has 2 sides; a news side where users are kept up to date with football news across the globe and a social side where a user can share a post and have a discussion with other users of the app. The nice thing about the app is, whatever you share can be viewed by everyone in your circle so people not using the app can banter with you. We shared the workload, integrated the various classes and submitted the app, beating the deadline by 3 hours ( we did all this in 2 weeks) 🙂

We patiently waited(Checking emails 20 times a day), the day to announce winners came to pass and we heard nothing. A week and a few days later (after I almost died), the results were announced and we won for Ghana (the 1st round) in our section. Next, we had to work on the app and resubmit it for the final round, the African platform. We had 2 weeks, we did some throwaway prototyping and built again. The final results came and sadly 😥 , we didn’t win. We however made the top 10 apps for Africa ( which offered some consolation but we didn’t even think we would make it that far). For the first round (Ghana winners), we won 1 tablet(which we had to sell because the prize was for only one person even if you develop as a team) ,some t shirts and had dinner with some members of GDG Ghana to celebrate the winners.

It was a wonderful experience, we worked with an API we hadn’t used before. For the app, we are still working on it and would release it soon. An important lesson we learnt was, interface design really matters, users really pay attention to the look and feel of apps.

Thanks to GDG and Java communities across Africa and Max Bonbhel for organizing this wonderful event every year. I pray it gets bigger and better.

Cogito ergo sum,
Achere